have been really awesome for awhile...oh. man. today was the fucking worst day eveer.
FUCKING EVER. i AM serious just so sad...
first...last night was so fun at claires i mean i dont normally hang out with everyone
that was there but it was awesome thanks claire HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!
am i the only one in this world who cant get any guy ever? like honestly. HONESTLY
jesus either people will fuck with my head and blow me off just for fucking fun...
or we're only friends. tight. being friends is nice...not when you're fucking madly in love
with them and you CANT DEAL WITH IT! i AM freaking out. like...im scared that if i am
by myself alone for too long i will annoy myself- that's not healthy...my friends
fucking support me but i cant do anything right i cant support myself i depend on
other people way too much it's pathetic. i am not worth living!
and i keep having just weird ass paranoid dreams shit. like, i'll dream about just
every single one of my friends...we'll be talking and having a good time and wahtever..
but then everything goes completly dark. i have just dark, black, rainy dreams where
everyone is trying to run away from me like i am some kind of sick virus no one
wants ot catch!!! i've had like 5 dreams about the guy i like...it always starts like this:
it'll sunny out and i am with at least one friend. i smile and wave and get really happy
cause i see him...then when he sees me he'll just BOOK. and i'll just run after him
five different dreams i dont know what the fuck they mean but i dont know
i need to MOVE ON is what i need to do. oh WAIT...i have fucking TRIED TO!
jesus either people will fuck with my head and blow me off just for fucking fun...
or we're only friends. tight. being friends is nice...not when you're fucking madly in love
with them and you CANT DEAL WITH IT! i AM freaking out. like...im scared that if i am
by myself alone for too long i will annoy myself- that's not healthy...my friends
fucking support me but i cant do anything right i cant support myself i depend on
other people way too much it's pathetic. i am not worth living!
and i keep having just weird ass paranoid dreams shit. like, i'll dream about just
every single one of my friends...we'll be talking and having a good time and wahtever..
but then everything goes completly dark. i have just dark, black, rainy dreams where
everyone is trying to run away from me like i am some kind of sick virus no one
wants ot catch!!! i've had like 5 dreams about the guy i like...it always starts like this:
it'll sunny out and i am with at least one friend. i smile and wave and get really happy
cause i see him...then when he sees me he'll just BOOK. and i'll just run after him
five different dreams i dont know what the fuck they mean but i dont know
i need to MOVE ON is what i need to do. oh WAIT...i have fucking TRIED TO!
but i just get blown off. i seriously think i AM a disease haha oh god.
i just hate it...i like to think positively. i get myself so happy and my hopes get
so high....then everything always comes crashing down- always! fucking can't
name one thing that's happened to me for a long time that's good. i mean....
i have a lot of friends, a house, family, food blahblah.........SO WHY AM I SO
FUCKING DEPRESSED ABOUT GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JESUS!!!! i am just a spoiled
little bitch people throw fucking shit at me and i dont deserve it.
there is no one in this world. i will probably end up living in my mid 70's dying
of some brain tumor and my only friends are my 400 cats. i'll be known as the cat lady.
you know..everyone always knows SOMEONE who is known as the cat lady- who cant
even fucking keep track of all of them? i'll just be some clueless old hag and all the
neighborhood kids will throw rocks at my house and i'll come outside with a broom
and start yelling in german.
jesus. fucking. christ. if my life ends up to be like that....i will kill myself in 1 minute.
i just hate it...i like to think positively. i get myself so happy and my hopes get
so high....then everything always comes crashing down- always! fucking can't
name one thing that's happened to me for a long time that's good. i mean....
i have a lot of friends, a house, family, food blahblah.........SO WHY AM I SO
FUCKING DEPRESSED ABOUT GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! JESUS!!!! i am just a spoiled
little bitch people throw fucking shit at me and i dont deserve it.
there is no one in this world. i will probably end up living in my mid 70's dying
of some brain tumor and my only friends are my 400 cats. i'll be known as the cat lady.
you know..everyone always knows SOMEONE who is known as the cat lady- who cant
even fucking keep track of all of them? i'll just be some clueless old hag and all the
neighborhood kids will throw rocks at my house and i'll come outside with a broom
and start yelling in german.
jesus. fucking. christ. if my life ends up to be like that....i will kill myself in 1 minute.
i am typing this and tears are in my eyes because i just looked out the window and
everything is gray. nothing is happy or sunny....it's probably all my fault! i've
probably made the sun leave because i walked outside today
oh shit bye
-liz
everything is gray. nothing is happy or sunny....it's probably all my fault! i've
probably made the sun leave because i walked outside today
oh shit bye
-liz
